4 weeks

Well I have made it 4 weeks into motherhood. Phew... what a exhausting, exciting, hard, fun, joyous, and adventurous time it has been. Aubrey is 4 weeks old today and has already had so many adventures in her life. She is a lucky little girl. These adventures have been hard on mom and dad though. Aubrey was born 4 weeks ago and since then has spent time in the hospital, taken a road trip to Salt Lake City, flew in an airplane to California, gotten blessed, had family from all over the country come and see her, and gone on various shopping trips. What a busy girl.

Just a week and a few days after being born, we had to travel to Southern California for Chris's internship that started the day before Aubrey was born. Luckily the boss was Aubrey's Grandpa and was leaniant with the timing of our arrival. For my birthday my mother gave Chris and I plane tickets to fly our family instead of enduring the 15 hour drive with a 1 week old. (Which probably would have been a 25-30 hour drive with all the feeding and changing stops). She was an angel and drove our car home by herself. I am so blessed to have such an amazing mother. The flight went very well. Aubrey slept all the way through security and woke up on our drive home from the airport. She was an perfect. I was a nervous wreck, taking her on the plane. I almost had an anxiety attack. I was glad we made it safe and I was blessed that the flight was during nap time. We got settled in and the next day Chris started working and I started my life as a stay at home mom.

Being a mom has got to be the hardest thing I have ever done. There has been so many life changes in the past few weeks. And add recovering from a c-section on top of it all. There has been some challenges that I have been struggling with that have made the transition difficult. First of all breastfeeding is really hard!! Aubrey and I have been having some major issues. I have seen lactation consultants and read many articles and blogs to try and get some help. Aubrey destroyed my nipples and it had become so painful all I could do was cry as I was feeding her. I would latch her and re-latch her over and over again until be were both so frustrated that she would not want to eat and I didn't want to frustrate her so I dealt with the pain. There were nights I was so sore and tired that I just had Chris give her a bottle with formula. I almost gave up until my doctor said at her 2 week appointment that she was not back up to her birth weight and I needed to make sure I was feeding her enough. He said to use a nipple shield so that I could still breastfeed her. What a life saver. I could finally feed her with out being in pain. Aubrey is an aggressive breast feeder and I have come to that fact that I will just have to use the shield, and that is ok. She is starting to grow a lot and gain some weight, so it is making me feel good.

Another big struggle that I have been dealing with it hormone changes. Gosh those things are awful!! I cry for no reason and when I am tired it is like 3 times worse!! Which I am tired a lot. I feel bad for Chris, having to deal with all of this. I never really had mood swings, like ever, so this has been hard for me to deal with. It is slowly getting better, now that I am healing and getting some better sleep. My mother and husband have been huge supporters of me and this adventure of motherhood that I am going through. It is all worth it though. Each time Aubrey looks at me with her beautiful eyes, my heart melts. I love her with all that I have. She is my sunshine. I am so grateful for the challenge and trial that these past 4 weeks have been, and I am excited to see what life will bring in the future.

Mothers Intuition- Aubrey's Birth Story

I wanted to record and write Aubrey's birth story for those that wanted to read it. Giving birth to Aubrey was one of the most amazing moments in my life. I have wanted Aubrey to come for so long, and seeing her for the first time was a moment I will never forget.

So here is the story... The weeks leading up to Aubrey coming were the longest in my life. It got closer and closer to the due date and I got more and more impatient. I was not progressing like I was hoping. The day before her due date I went to the doctor. I got checked and I had not progressed at all (no dilatation, baby only 50% effaced). We decided to schedule an induction 4 days later, just in case she had not come yet. I was having contractions all weekend but nothing was coming progressing. Well Monday comes and Chris and I check into the hospital at 8:00 pm for my induction. They induce me by giving me medicine that dilates my cervix and causes contractions. I was in labor all night and frequently was being checked for dilatation. My contractions were not getting strong enough and i was not dialiating more then 1/2 cm. At 9:00 am my doctor comes into my room and checks me and then gives me two options. He says because of my lack of dialiation, they could do two things. One do a C-section, or they could insert a device into me that would mechanically open my cervix and it would take about 12 hours, then there could be another 24 hours of labor after that. (which sounded so fun). So I told him that I needed to talk to my husband who was asleep at the time. So Chris and I prayed about it and talked. I told him that I wanted to go with a C-Section. During the last few weeks of my pregnancy I just had this feeling that Aubrey was going to be a C-section delivery. So that is what we decided. The doctor came back in about and hour later and we told him our decision. He was pretty surprised that we decided that, and so quickly. So the c-section got scheduled for 2:00 pm. My parents were in and out of the hospital visiting us and supporting us. There were a lot of c-sections that day and our time kept getting pushed back. Finally they started getting me prepped around 3:45 and I was in the OR at 4:00. Chris had to white out side while they gave me a spinal and got me prepped. He came in just before they opened me up. He was talking to me and making sure I was ok. It felt really weird to be cut open and my baby taken out. Much different then I though. A lot of pulling and tugging. No pain though, just felt really weird. Then I heard my doctor call out to Chris, are you ready to see your baby? So Chris stood up and pulled out my phone and started taking pics. Then I heard the doctor say "Holy cow, one...two...three..." She had the cord wrapped around her neck 3 times! Then I heard her for the first time. I instantly started crying. Then they held her over the curtain and I saw her for the first time. She looked right at me. They then took her and Chris into the NICU, and sewed me back up. After the doctor was done he said that he was really glad I had mothers intuition and decided to get a c-section, because if I hadn't her birth would have been a lot different and very scary, and possibly very dangerous for Aubrey. He asked for permission to use my story in the birthing classes that he teaches. The next few hours are kind of a blur. I somehow ended up in a recovery room, and just Chris and I and the nurses were allowed in there. They drought Aubry in and I got to hold her for the first time. I then got taken into my room where I would be for the next few days. Aubrey was the most perfect baby. I was so amazed that I created her, and that she was my baby. I felt the most intense love for her and it came so fast. I want the best for her, and I will always strive to help her get that. Chris was a huge support and instantly calmed the role and best father in the world. I love our little family. I am so grateful for my mothers intuition and the feelings that I had that helped me safely deliver my beautiful and perfect baby. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that blessed me with a safe delivery of my daughter.

Fathers Day!

Today is Father's Day. I have had a lot of time to think about all of the amazing Father's in my life.



First
and for most is my husband who will be the father of my children. I am
so grateful for him and all that he does for me. He is going to be an
amazing Dad. I can't wait for Aubrey to meet him and grow up with him as
her Dad. He loves her so much already. She is one lucky girl. Chris has
done so much for me in the short time we have been married, I can't
thank him enough. I am glad there is a day dedicated for Fathers and all
that they do for us. Chris is in a singles ward bishopric so he has
very early meetings on Sunday mornings that he has to go too. I normally
stay asleep and wake up after he is gone. So today I decided that I
wanted to be with him this morning. So I sneakily woke up before him and
made him some yummy blueberry pancakes. It was nice getting to do
something for him because he does so much for me.



Secondly,
my dad. I love him so much. He has taught me many great things in my
life. But I thank him the most for teaching me to look on the bright
side and how to stay positive in challenging situations. I learned how
to have fun, and enjoy life. I love him so much. He is always there to
help me when I need it. I always know that he will be more then willing
to help me. My mom always told me that I would marry someone like my
father, and I did. I am grateful for the example that he set for me.



Third,
my Heavenly Father. He has been my support and strength my whole life. I
know that he lives and loves me like my earthly father. He knows me by
name and knows my struggles and triumphs. I am so grateful for him and
all that he has given me. He has blessed me with an amazing life,
family, and friends. I owe it all to him. I love him so much.



Here is a video that I love...

Our Weekend Project

Over the Memorial Day weekend Chris and I had the project of working on Aubrey's Nursery. My nesting instinct has been kicking in a lot. Her room is almost done. We have a little more organizing and a few finishing touches to apply before I can say it is done, but I was so excited I had to share it. I made these wood letters and put some fun paper on it. The ribbon to hang them up was the finishing touch. It was an interesting process making sure that all of the ribbons were tied at the same length so the letters were even. Chris and I had fun setting up. Chris really enjoyed putting the crib together and imagining our little one sleeping in it.

My mom and I made all of her bedding. She came up one weekend and we bought the fabric and started working. We made the bumper together. I made the crib skirt, and she made this beautiful quilt. I know that Aubrey will love that quilt for a very long time. It is beautiful and perfect for her. I have had so much fun picking out fabric and colors for her room. I can't wait until she comes and can use everything.

Dear Sweetheart

Dear Sweet Baby Aubrey,

It has been many weeks since I first found out you were inside me. This journey has been a long and trying one for me. I have been so anxious and nervous about all the things that could happen to you. I wanted you to be safe and healthy. We have had our ups and downs these long months. These have been the best months though.

I remember the first time I saw you, you looked like a gummy bear. You have grown so much. I love feeling you dance around in my belly, and feeling your every move. I remember the day we found out you were a girl. I knew it all along. I am so excited it is you that is coming. I knew my sweet Aubrey was coming. I love you so much already and I can't wait to meet you. I know you have such a strong spirit, and you are going to do amazing things. You are truly special.

I love having you in my belly, but I can't wait until you get here. I love how much your daddy already loves you. He is the one that sings to you at night. He is going to be the most amazing dad in the world. You are one lucky girl. I can't wait until you join our family. Only 9 weeks to go. Until then... I love you.

Mom

To Princess Aubrey Isabelle,
     Hello little one! This is your father writing to you, and I want to clear a few things up. First of all, it has been a very difficult journey for your mother and I, and Jaclyn has had a lot of ups and downs. I want you to know, however, that she has never once regretted bringing you into this world and bearing the weight of your tiny little body. She sheds tears not because you are too much of a burden, but because she feels sometimes that she has done something to upset you or jeopardize your safety. She loves you so incredibly much and that has made me a very proud husband.

     Me and your mother are so excited to see you and hold you in our arms. You are a lucky girl coming into this family and will have a lot of fun here on planet earth! Your mother has your room all ready for you and every time we walk inside we cannot help but picture you playing with toys and waddling around on your tiny little feet. I am so excited to go to your dance recitals and take you to concerts to show you what real music is. I am so happy that you can hear me singing to you and that you seem to like music already!

     You are my princess and your wish is my command, little one. I am at your beckoning call. I am your noble knight in shining armor ready to protect you from any adversary that comes your way. I am so lucky to be able to call such a beautiful daughter of Heavenly Father my own and will not let him down in raising you. I promise you with everything I have that you will feel loved every single day of your precious life, and your mother and I will never take advantage of the blessing that is Aubrey Isabelle. I love you.

Dad